One Hundred Days of Trumpitude


April 28, 2017

Many years later, as he faced the firing squad, Colonel Aureliano Buendía was to remember that distant afternoon when his father took him to discover ice.

—“One Hundred Years of Solitude,” Gabriel García Márque

konc-one-hundred-days-of-trumpitude-2

The arguably the most conceited and insecure POTUS since 1776–He think the world is his toy. He must learn to act responsibly since the United States is not an island onto itself. Military power should never be its first option and any President worth his paycheck cannot ignore Geo-economic imperatives of a globalised world. –Din Merican

One Hundred Days of Trumpitude

I

Many months later, as he faced the impeachment committee, President Donald Trump was to remember that distant afternoon when Jeff Sessions took him to discover ICE. The world was so recent that many things lacked names, and, in order to indicate them, it was necessary to point. President Trump pointed at the customs agents.

“Yes,” Senator Sessions said. “These are the representatives of ICE.”

“Wow. Such great Americans. Terrific,” Trump said, grabbing an agent’s hand and yanking it toward him in a manner so powerful that anyone watching should sincerely doubt that he had ever taken Viagra. “Keeping bad hombres out. Mexico will pay for it. Believe me!” he continued, casually removing and tossing aside the mittens he had worn because of a misunderstanding of what ICE was. The Secret Service agent tailing him picked up the gloves and put them back on the hands of the American Girl doll from which they came.

Image result for Senator Jeff Sessions and President Donald Trump

Senator Jeff Sessions and The President–Two Peas in the American Pod

II.

President Donald Trump—then just Donald Trump, a man whose foolishness surpassed the limits of exaggeration—thought it would be possible to use his deepest insecurities to make America great again. Senator Sanders, who was an honest man, warned him: “It won’t work for that.” But Trump did not believe in the honesty of anyone whom he had not strong-armed into signing a non-disclosure agreement, so he traded his hair hat for a red hat and proceeded to defend his penis during a national televised debate.

III.

When this world was long gone, much—or little, depending—would be found from the men and women who served former President Donald Trump. Among other things, they found a calcified skeleton with a copper locket containing a woman’s fingernail around its neck. It also wore a name tag that read “Steve.” A historian may wonder which Steve, for two Steves darkened Trump’s quarters in those days. But, of course, the answer is both, for this tale is full of same-named evil men. You have not heard of them, for they did nothing of significance, and died alone, covered in cobwebs, somehow.

IV.

It was evening and Trump sat alone in the West Wing, watching basic cable. He was lonely. He missed his maid, Melania, and her butler, Barron. He missed his eldest sons, Lumberjack Vampire and Albino Patrick Bateman. He missed Tiffany’s wedding. Most of all he missed his wife, Ivanka.

He was watching a rerun of “Fox & Friends.” “And friends!” Trump thought, as he always did, and smiled. He leaned closer to the TV so that he could take a selfie with the faces onscreen, but stopped himself when he heard one of the hosts say something upsetting. He began to type.

“Just found out Obama hypnotized frogs to cast votes illegally!! Very bad move. Without frogs, I would have won popular vote easily!” he tweeted. The next morning, Kellyanne Conway awoke in her isolation chamber, and called all the morning shows, as she always did, disguising her voice. “O.K., yes, President Trump did say that Obama is hypnotizing frogs, but I think the real issue here, O.K., is why no one is talking about whether Hillary Clinton colluded with the frogs, and which frogs, and, frankly, how many frogs.”

Image result for Sean Spicer

The White House Spokesperson Sean Spicer, the American Chemical Ali

At the same time, Sean Spicer appeared on television, chewing gum furiously and saying, “At least Hitler didn’t have the audacity to eat flies with his tongue.”

It was evening, and Trump sat alone in the West Wing, watching Spicer on basic cable.Time was not passing. It was moving in a circle.

V.

Finally, one Tuesday in December, all at once Trump released the whole weight of his torment. The children would remember for the rest of their lives the august solemnity with which their father, devastated by the wrath of his imagination, stated, “Someone said he found proof that my wires were tapped. He said they hid the proof in the corner of the Oval Office!”

As he hunted around, unaware that his bathrobe was on backward, he came to understand that he would never leave that office, and, hundreds of miles away, it was foreseen that Mar-a-Lago would be wiped out by the wind and exiled from the memory of men at the precise moment that President Donald Trump realized that there were no corners in an Oval Office, and that everything he had ever tweeted was unrepeatable since time immemorial and forevermore, because racists condemned to one hundred years of solitude did not have a second opportunity on earth.

“We’re going to do so much winning,” he said at last, the bold claim of a man who never managed to win so much as his father’s love.

http://www.newyorker.com/humor/daily-shouts/one-hundred-days-of-trumpitude?intcid=mod-latest

4 thoughts on “One Hundred Days of Trumpitude

  1. What a satirical article. But, yes, Trump’s 100-day is up, and he has failed his 100-day test miserably. He has failed not because he failed to repeal Obamacare or to get any legislation through Congress, but because of the leadership he failed to exert in the executive branch. For his presidency to succeed, he will need to focus more energy on building and empowering a team, and getting its members to work together. The first 100-day has exposed that Trump is simply a hollow bully with absolutely no leadership talent.

    A president’s most important job during the first 100 days is building a team that will allow him to succeed. Executive leadership, in both public and private sectors, begins with hiring talented and qualified people who have both the creativity to conceive of innovative solutions and the competence to carry them out. Strong executives understand that their success depends on putting in place the right team and allowing their deputies to choose their own staff.

    Trump has failed both tests miserably. He has nominated people for only 79 of 554 positions that require Senate confirmation – far, far behind any of his predecessors. Even some cabinet positions remained unfilled. At this rate it is questionable he would fill all the positions by the end of his term to run the government at full capacity. Trump has refused to allow his cabinet members to hire their own staff, blacklisting those who spoke critically of him during the campaign. An example is rejecting Elliot Abrams whom Rex Tillerson had picked for deputy secretary of state. This has slowed down hiring and kept good people that could help advance his agenda out of government. Combining micromanaging with pettiness is a recipe for failure. Trump has obviously shown his character of a micromanaging dictator with a petty mind.

    Another crucial part of an executive’s job is getting people to work together. But Trump has failed to get control of the infighting and leaks plaguing the White House. No administration is free from such drama, but Trump’s predecessors generally did a good job of keeping private divisions from becoming public distractions. This shows Trump has no leadership at all.

    Make America great again? Whither America, whither are we bound?
    _____________________
    Trump thinks he is a trumpeter like Miles Davies, but Miles was brilliant jazz man. He is pump into the air threatening everyone. He is just a village bully.–Din Merican

  2. I agree with you that he cannot live by EOs alone. He has to get the MSM, both sides of Congress and others onboard to move beyond 100 days.

    1. Nominated constitutioanl conservertive to SCOTUS
    2. Instituted 5-year lobbying ban for Executive branch apointees.
    3. Permenant lobbying ban for foreign governments for all Executive breanch appointees
    4. Federal government hiring freeze.
    6. Regulatory Task Force to identify costly regulations
    7. Cut two regulations for every new one
    8.Streamline federal process for domestic manufacture
    9.Dakota Access Pipeline
    10. Pipeline used must be US steel
    11. 13th Daily Close at all time high for DOW
    12. Consumer confidence high.
    13. Dow hit 21,000
    14.New jobs for January 238,000 and February 235,000
    15. Expiditing environmental review for new projects
    16.Reduce national debt by 100 billion
    17. Reduced price for new Air Force One
    18. Lockheed to cut 600 million for F-35
    19.Strip federal funding for sanctuary cities
    19. New Funds to take care of veterans
    20. Promoting energy independence
    21. Buy American hire American
    22.Opened Press briefings at WH for non MSM media
    23. Returned bust of WC to the Oval office
    24. Private sector
    Bayer to make new investments
    Carrier plant now in US
    Exxon moving back to US
    Fiat new investment
    Ford new investments
    Hyundai new investments
    IBM new investments
    Lockheed Martin 1,800 jobs
    Softbank Japan new investments
    SPRINT more jobs
    Toyota New investments
    WALMART new invearments

    I agree with you that he has used EOs and must now get the rest of the players , NSM, both sides of Congress, and others, onboard.

  3. TL Man:
    You usually write a one or two liners, like popping up from the middle of no where, and I never understand fully what you are trying to say. I wish you have elaborated more fully in formal English with full sentences and not writing in briefs and abbreviations. I see that you have quoted the list from Trump’s 100-day action plan to Make America Great Again. The January and February job figures you listed, in my opinion, should go to Obama. Economic result is not like turning on the light, all you have to do is turning on the switch and you get light instantly. How many jobs Trump will create we shall know in a few years down the road. All those corporations you listed are just verbal promises, often twisted and exaggerated by Trump. How much they will contribute we shall also only know down the road. Consumer confidence high? That’s really news to me. The people I met in the various Chambers of Commerce told me otherwise.

    Let me respond to some on your list, for I never write on what I do not know. My mother taught me to recite Confucius “On Knowledge” when I was three year old and I remember to date: “When you see a thing you know and you know that you know; when you see a thing you do not know and know that you do not know. That’s knowledge.” I never say or write anything I do not know and bullshit my way through. Unlike Trump and many of his supporters.

    A hiring freeze on all federal employees:
    Trump can say he kept this promise, at least for a little while. One of his first actions, after taking office, was to order a federal hiring freeze. But his order excluded federal jobs deemed “necessary to meet national security or public safety responsibilities,” like uniformed military positions, for instance. Confusion ensued over which jobs could be considered essential to national security and public safety. The Department of Veterans Affairs was particularly upset about the hiring freeze, and begged Trump in January to exempt their employees, to ensure they could provide critical services to military veterans. Later that month, the administration released further details about which jobs were exempt, expanding it to seasonal workers and the entire US Postal Service. The hiring freeze lasted roughly two months before Trump revoked it altogether on April 12. His administration said they would instead focus on a “smarter plan, a more strategic plan, a more surgical plan,” which would involve hiring more in some departments and less in others. Two of the federal agencies Trump wants to shrink: the Environmental Protection Agency and the State Department. The Pentagon and Department of Veterans Affairs, on the other hand, don’t seem to have much to worry about.

    For every new federal regulation, two existing regulations must be eliminated:
    On January 30, with much fanfare, Trump rolled out an executive order he claimed would fulfill this campaign promise. But in fact, the order does nothing of the kind. Trump’s order merely calls on agencies to “identify” two rules they think could be eliminated.
    Despite what Trump says, his order doesn’t require that these older rules actually be struck down. That’s because rolling back a regulation is often procedurally and legally difficult, and takes a good deal of time. So in practice, Trump’s order will likely deter new rules somewhat, but its main impact will probably be causing confusion in regulatory agencies.

    5 year-ban on White House and Congressional officials becoming lobbyists:
    Trump accomplished this one, sort of. On January 28, he signed an executive order on ethics that included a five-year ban on former White House officials lobbying the government. (It didn’t include congressional staff.) But there’s a big catch: They were only prevented from lobbying the agency they worked for. They could still lobby other parts of government. Trump also watered down a requirement from the Obama administration that all former officials wait at least two years before contacting their former agencies, reducing it to one. And waivers from the anti-lobbying rule will still be permitted, but, unlike under Obama, they’ll no longer be public.
    The verdict from ethics experts: Trump fulfilled the letter of his promise but not the spirit, and President Obama’s ethics requirements for his administration were stronger than Trump’s revised version.

    A lifetime ban on White House officials lobbying on behalf of a foreign government:
    On paper, the administration has followed through on this one. Just eight days after his inauguration, Trump signed an executive order requiring White House officials to sign an ethics pledge as a condition of employment, in which they agree to oblige by nine different ethical commitments. The fourth is the one that applies here. It states: “I will not, at any time after the termination of my employment in the US Government, engage in any activity on behalf of any foreign government or foreign political party which, were it undertaken on January 20, 2017, would require me to register under the Foreign Agents Registration Act of 1938, as amended.” The order authorizes the attorney general to investigate anyone believed to have violated the ethics pledge and to initiate civil action against the person if the case warrants. However, because this is an executive order and not a law (presidents can’t pass laws on their own; that’s what Congress is for), the order doesn’t establish any sort of criminal penalties for those who violate the pledge. And there’s another part that makes it potentially even more toothless: The order includes a clause allowing “the president or his designee” to grant waivers to anyone who has signed the pledge, but doesn’t say anything about the circumstances under which a waiver might be granted. So if the president feels like it, he can basically give a waiver to anyone he wants.

    Replacement for Justice Scalia:
    Donald Trump hasn’t gotten a lot of pure, non-Pyrrhic victories in his first 100 days. But there’s one thing he promised to do, and did, quite rapidly and with minimal drama: He filled Justice Antonin Scalia’s Supreme Court seat with a solid conservative, ensuring the persistence of a five-member center-right majority on the Court for years to come. Trump had help, of course. Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell embarked on an ambitious, unprecedented strategy of refusing to even hold hearings for Merrick Garland, President Obama’s pick for the seat. Throughout most of the presidential campaign, the effort seemed absurd. If Hillary Clinton had won, McConnell would’ve just been postponing the inevitable. The only way in which the strategy made sense was if Donald Trump won, and did establishment conservatives like McConnell even want that? It appears they did, not least because Trump’s win meant McConnell’s efforts paid off. So did those of Federalist Society executive vice president Leonard Leo, whom the Trump campaign enlisted to help vet candidates throughout the selection process, and who ensured that anyone Trump picked was going to be a down-the-line, doctrinaire conservative committed to over-turning Roe v. Wade. Gorsuch is already making his presence on the Court felt, joining with the three other conservatives (plus the mostly conservative but pro-choice and pro-gay Anthony Kennedy) to let Arkansas execute a man who was denied a DNA test that could prove his innocence, and whose defense attorney at trial was so drunk he slurred his words. By contrast, a Court with Garland appeared set to either end or radically restrict capital punishment. Trump’s biggest victory is already having huge, life-or-death consequences.

    Cancel all federal funding to Sanctuary Cities:
    Mere days before the 100-day mark, the Trump administration suffered an embarrassing court defeat on this count, a federal judge in the Northern District of California (siding with cities and counties that had sued the federal government) blocked the Trump administration from doing anything to deny funds to cities and counties based on whether they counted as “sanctuaries.” Per an executive order signed the first week of Trump’s presidency, the Department of Homeland Security and the Department of Justice had been working on defining how much a city would have to limit assistance to federal immigration agents to count as a “sanctuary.” The plan was then to bar at least some federal grants from going to cities that met that definition. This wasn’t on pace to happen within the first 100 days. Now it can’t happen until the courts have had more time to judge whether the policy would be constitutional, and for the administration to win the court battle, it’s probably going to have to step back from the hardline “all federal funding” stance. Attorney General Jeff Sessions has started to move forward on defunding with a much more limited definition of “sanctuary” than the one the administration uses rhetorically. He’s threatened a handful of cities with ineligibility for some future law enforcement grants unless they prove they comply with a federal information-sharing law. It’s possible, though, that Sessions’s efforts won’t result in any grants actually being withheld, a very far cry from “all federal funding” indeed.

    Dakota Access Pipeline and Keystone Pipeline:
    In January, Trump signed a series of executive orders meant to follow through on this promise. Per his instruction, the State Department has granted a permit for the Keystone XL pipeline to cross the US-Canadian border (the permit Obama denied), though many legal challenges stand between the pipeline and completion.
    Trump also ordered the Army Corps of Engineers to expedite its review of the hotly contested Dakota Access pipeline. But that review is still unfinished, and it’s unclear how long the corps will take and what it will decide. The other EOs simply instruct the commerce secretary to look into how to expedite permitting and “reduce regulatory burdens.” It’s being done through “outreach to stakeholders,” which is a euphemism for asking the Chamber of Commerce and other business interests what they want. That outreach has resulted in an industry wish list from which the administration will presumably be operating. It heavily targets EPA regulations. Trump is also reportedly working with a list of infrastructure projects – ”Priority List: Emergency & National Security Projects” – that his administration will prioritize, which includes a natural gas pipeline but also several “greener” projects like transmission lines, hydropower plants, and wind farms.

    Promoting energy independence:
    Trump has taken some action on this score, but it is almost all for show – none of it, yet, will result in any new energy production or create any new jobs. The big item here is that Trump, through Interior Secretary Ryan Zinke, lifted Obama’s moratorium on the issuing of new coal mining leases on public land. More consequentially, Zinke canceled the comprehensive review of the coal leasing program begun under his predecessor. Thus, the program will resume, using procedures and prices that the government itself has identified as a taxpayer rip-off. And it’s mostly for nothing. Coal is taking a beating on the market and companies are already awash in reserves. Coal companies are not demanding new leases; they’ve even recently canceled some lease requests.
    For the same reason, Trump’s repeal of Obama’s EPA rules on stream pollution is unlikely to spark new mining (just new pollution).
    Trump is also reportedly preparing an EO that would roll back Obama’s protections of Arctic and US Atlantic waters from offshore drilling.

    I can go on and on, but I think people are tired of reading my long posting. In conclusion let me tell you something about Donald Trump. I know him. He is everything the media say about him – narcissist, egoist, racist, pathological liar, bullshitter … but one thing he is not – he is not an ideologue. He didn’t even register to vote until 1987. He registered for the first time in New York as a Republican in 1987. He dumped the GOP in 1999 for the Independence Party. In 2001 he enrolled as a Democrat and returned to the Republican Party in 2009. He left the GOP again in 2011 and marked the box with the New York City Board of Election, “I do not wish to enroll in a party”. He returned to the GOP again in 2012. During an interview with CNN’s Wolf Blitzer, he said: “In many cases, I probably identify more as a Democrat.” I became a Republican since 1970 until last year I left for a brief moment as an Independent so that I could vote for Sanders against Hillary. I returned to the GOP immediately after Sanders lost.
    _____________
    A good response, LaMoy. I expect a rejoinder from TL Man. You and I are not a bunch of bullshitters. –Din Merican

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