January 30, 2016
Open Letter: Thanks, but no thanks, Obama
HE President Barack H. Obama
The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
Washington DC, USA
Dear Mr President,
A belated Happy New Year to you! It still applies, as Chinese New Year is coming up soon. Anyway, you don’t know me, but I am a citizen of the nation for which one of your golfing buddies is the political leader (no, not Bill Clinton). I just wanted to drop you a note, and make a request.
Like many around the world, I admired you for being you: the history-making president; the first non-white male to break the old boy’s club of Pennsylvania Avenue; the lawyer who became a law unto himself, figuratively speaking; the honourably honest husband and fantastic father who managed to reverse his country’s economic fortunes, started some reform of Wall Street, made it irrelevant to ask or to tell, instituted a monumental healthcare initiative, and was the leader presiding over the team that killed the infamous Osama bin Laden.
Heck, not only are you a walking poster for multiracial success, you even speak flawless Bahasa Indonesia, adding multilingualism to your long list of credentials. And you still have most of a year to go before you step down for good. “Hope” was definitely the most well-chosen campaign theme ever. Kylo Ren’s grandfather would have been impressed.
However, all that you have gotten for your accomplishments are complaints and brickbats by your fellow countrymen, from the gun-toting, Bible-thumping, abortion-hating homophobic retrenched Ford-factory worker all the way to the resident of Trump Tower (there may be some overlapping of categories). Blaming you for everything — from burnt toast to Hurricane Joaquin — unlocked that ultimate in achievements: becoming an Internet meme. All thanks to you, if you’ll pardon the pun.
Well, all I can say is that you need not worry so much about that. The grass is always greener on the other side, and American history is on your side — so even though they would not care to accept the truth, the American people will one day see that you did do amazing stuff, and that they should not be so ungrateful to you.
President Obama’s Corrupt Malaysian Golf Buddy
Malaysians, on the other hand, are another story. You see, that golfing buddy of yours really is a headache for the rest of us here. In truth, his first official golf game with you meant that he took his own sweet time coming back to Malaysia when an unprecedented natural disaster struck — and the repercussions from that were needlessly aggravating to us citizens. He has just been cleared in a globally embarrassing corruption case — and has been given a clean bill of health by a man who was appointed to a very cushy national directorship.
And what did you do? It looks like you took full advantage of him, by twisting his arm, and essentially forcing him — meaning us — into a Trans-Pacific Partnership Agreement (TPPA) that really is to our disadvantage.
So on behalf of my fellow citizens, I implore you for a belated Christmas present: make him your permanent golf partner, and please take him away from here. You owe us that much, at least, for that TPPA. If you don’t take him, then all we can say is: Thanks, Obama. Thanks for nothing.